爱情的问题

有时，我在想．　

有什么可以让我开心，

我拆知道我要的东西，我都得到那时，

我在知道我要的是你可悲的，

你是我得不到的我不能选择谁去爱，

但我也不能爱一个选择爱的人
怎样和一个我没有拥有过的人说再见?

为何我的眼泪会为她滴？

Love has many questions, which one is truthful?

爱是没有对和错

你不能责备我选你来爱
同样的，我也没有责备你不给我机会好好的爱你
我也没有责备你不学习去爱我
道歉，应为你不能好像爱他则么爱我。
所以，我唯一能做的就是放手。
希望重有一天， 你会看的到
你在寻找的，就是放开你的那一位

something that i felt like expressing in chinese ^_^

爱是不容易

不要害怕的去爱，

爱可能会有很多悲哀和痛苦，

但如果你不勇敢的去爱，以后，

你会后悔没有给爱一个机会。

I bet those of you who don't know mandarin would be wondering what am i writing ^_^

Agonized

It's a Monday, and i guess i had the most depressing and agonizing moments in my life. Constantly being tormented by images and phrase that tore my life apart. It felt almost like my chest was sliced open and my heart was purged right in front of my eyes.

Feeling of being abandoned, the feeling of being left behind by the one you trust most.

That is totally unbearable, the very thought of everything you had being taken away. Everything you thought belong to you and you only being snatched.

Its like being robbed of everything you ever had right there in your very home. Everything that made you who you're today. Everything that matters suddenly doesn't matter anymore.

How hard i tried, nothing shows up; everything to no avail. Perhaps its my destiny to be crushed by this force of life that test me emotional.

Mental break down is something so frequent to me. Mood swings are don't seem to mean much as they come and go as they please. Smiles and tears are just separated by a thin line.

My life has only a thread to hold. A single thread that would determine my next cause of action but it seems i am being contradictory.

Movements are imminent but yet i am stagnant. For every step i took from the day you came into my life, are being recalled and erased. I've be pulled back to my first step.

Momentarily, i am being dragged back and forth in time as i am dwelling on my past in my present life hoping that the past would be again my future.

Memories and materials that we kept in lifes are merely another illusion of how reality is because reality hurts like hell and at times, i refuse to accept the fact.

More stress lays on my shoulder now as i am holding on to things i shouldn't things i don't want and yet i am willingly holding on to them.

Morose Joshua seems not to understand the meaning of poignant and therefore stucked in a zone where eternal torments awaits him.

Mati would probably be the last option for him as he still seeks to wait as long as his life allows him to.

Reluctance

There is totally no sense of security. The one that i really thought could understand my feelings would just simply take her exit from the very moment i need someone.

What should i do??? I made her a priority and yet i seem like an option. What is life going to be if my priorities are gone???

A simple hug, 10minutes of company, and a sign showing you care would suffice and yet none of those were given. I am really really depressed.