Agonized

It's a Monday, and i guess i had the most depressing and agonizing moments in my life. Constantly being tormented by images and phrase that tore my life apart. It felt almost like my chest was sliced open and my heart was purged right in front of my eyes.

Feeling of being abandoned, the feeling of being left behind by the one you trust most.

That is totally unbearable, the very thought of everything you had being taken away. Everything you thought belong to you and you only being snatched.

Its like being robbed of everything you ever had right there in your very home. Everything that made you who you're today. Everything that matters suddenly doesn't matter anymore.

How hard i tried, nothing shows up; everything to no avail. Perhaps its my destiny to be crushed by this force of life that test me emotional.

Mental break down is something so frequent to me. Mood swings are don't seem to mean much as they come and go as they please. Smiles and tears are just separated by a thin line.

My life has only a thread to hold. A single thread that would determine my next cause of action but it seems i am being contradictory.

Movements are imminent but yet i am stagnant. For every step i took from the day you came into my life, are being recalled and erased. I've be pulled back to my first step.

Momentarily, i am being dragged back and forth in time as i am dwelling on my past in my present life hoping that the past would be again my future.

Memories and materials that we kept in lifes are merely another illusion of how reality is because reality hurts like hell and at times, i refuse to accept the fact.

More stress lays on my shoulder now as i am holding on to things i shouldn't things i don't want and yet i am willingly holding on to them.

Morose Joshua seems not to understand the meaning of poignant and therefore stucked in a zone where eternal torments awaits him.

Mati would probably be the last option for him as he still seeks to wait as long as his life allows him to.