thanks, for hurting me in everyway possible

sorry, for being too attentive
sorry, for being caring

sorry, for loving you so much
thanks, you have finally gotten what you want.
you've abandoned me twice and you've left me to die

thanks, for all the care
thanks, for all the love

thanks, for all the effort you put on me
thanks, for all the support you gave me

thanks, for all the sacrifice you made for me
thanks, for being there for me

thanks, for letting me see things in ways i could never see on my own
thanks, for bringing so much colors into my life

thanks, for all the joy you've brought me
thanks, for all the smiles you've given me

sorry, i can never care for you anymore
sorry, i can't love you as i am not suppose to

sorry, my support to you means nothing anymore
sorry, i have nothing else to sacrifice for you anymore;i've given you everything

sorry, i am not allowed to be there for you anymore
sorry, i can never let you see things anymore better as i am no longer there

sorry, if i've brought so much colors
sorry, if i've given you so much joy

i am sorry because i will always miss your smile; a smile given to the one you truly love

there is nothing else i can say or do but to simply allow myself to dwell on the past, weep for the lost and forever falling deeper and deeper into the abyss. our memories now are merely a past that you would not remember but to me, they are priceless possessions.

i am not angry nor am i furious. i am just disappointed and sad. if you have ever loved a person like i've. you would feel the same. and i know you don't love me.

thanks for the times we had.

Isolation

Feeling all alone,
Alone even in the most crowded place,
Sense of belonging dissipating,
Empathy seems not to work,

Alongside loneliness,
Pain comes hand in hand,
Sorrows then follows,
Eyes filled with tears,

Knowing that my very existence,
Its not noticed,
Not recognized,
Insignificant.

Reality Check

I just found out i am such a useless pathetic person,
Immature,
Childish,
Unable to provide security,
not trustworthy,
cannot be trusted,
do not deserve decent respect,
I betray the very friendship that keeps my circle of "friends" around me.

I've just suffer a lost so tremendous that i am being pulled into the dark,
a place so dark that it has no light at all,
Eternal darkness where i would live my life aimlessly,
not being able to ever see where am i going anymore,

Even if i know where i want to go,
I would never be able to arrive for that,
the soul that i used to have is no longer with me,
it has been taken away from me,
because it is believed that youth is what i still have,
therefore i can be left to wander in the dark,
searching for something that i would never find,

Knowing what and where,
Doesn't make anymore difference,
the very reason to why and how,
has seem to diminished,

Deciding what and how,
Has lost its purpose,
Losing sight of why and who,
is worse than losing your limbs,

Disappearing again,
Losing all senses,
Sight touch hear smell taste,
all removed from my life,

What life is there left for me
if i am deprived of all these,
When everything has lose its
lusters and colors,

As it progresses,
things would turn into monotonously,
boring and lifeless
and i would be a dead corpse living.

Once Again

Once again,

heartbroken from inside,

Right after I try loving again,

My life gets turned upside;

down, losing everything i've gain,

Perhaps I was never meant to love,

I tried and tried and i fail,

Everytime i try,

I would simply fail,

The harder i try,

The harder i fall,

Once i fall; i can hardly stand again,

Simple things in life has,

Become yet another complexity;

that would ruin my life,

in every sense,

The will of my life,

the very foundation of my life uprooted,

I suppose I am not meant to be in love,

Not able to have love,

Shouldn't be given love,

Probably restricted to love,

Forbidden to think of love,

Never to feel love

Rainbow

For a long long time, i haven't seen a rainbow so beautiful and in the most unexpected moments.
^_^

it was really meaningful but unfortunately, there weren't enough time for me to actually enjoy the beauty of the rainbow in such a beautiful place.

really hope i can lay on the grass with her and see that beautiful rainbow and hope that there's a pot of gold at the end of it. ^_^
haha

sorry peeps... no picture of it, i was it while i was driving. Didn't have enough time to snap a picture of it.

Virgin Tony Roma's

Went to Tony Roma's for the first time in my life. It was rather entertaining, the usherer showed us to our table. It was a rather nice table with a nice view over the whole Sunway Lagoon. Most unfortunately, it was day time so it was rather bright. Lucky for that the waiter notice that and draw the drapes and made the atmosphere more suitable.

The menu was rather attractive. I like the amount of variety of beverage available. Many of which i would love to try. It took me like 15minutes or more to go through both the menus and finally made my choice.

First came the soup, baked potato soup with granulated cheese and slices of beef bacons. Top with spring onions.

Freshly baked mini sized baguet with some unknown sauce, i forgot to ask them what is it but it was really delightful.

Drinks was just sprite and ice lemon tea

First entree would be the Rosemary Chicken, according to the waiter; the sauce is imported from the States but i would say that the taste was rather plain and not as nice as i've expected. Overall, it got a rating of 5/10.

The 2nd entree was Blackened Butter Cod with Tony Roma's Kickin' Sauce which was rather good. Along with the lemon, the cod was quite appetizing.

I would rate this as a 6.5/10

Kind of regreted for not trying the beef in Tony Roma's as I just don't feel comfortable eating steaks during day time. I would probably go there again for steak and a bottle of red wine while enjoying the night view of Sunway.

It was a memorable trip to Tony Roma's that i would love to keep in my hard drive. ^_^

Sweet Memories

Sweet Sweet Sweet... it has been so long i felt sooo sweet eating something. ^_^

Chocolate Gateaux

it's so chocolatey... sweet and looks sooo wonderful... it is not merely how it taste as it was enjoyed with someone that meant the world...

being able to enjoy such exquisite dessert with the presence of someone important in your life is just heavenly. The chocolate mixture contains dark chocolate, and white chocolate with all the chocolates i love is so nice. I don't know what else i could say but it was just heavenly delicious.

Now i realised that it is just not what you eat that makes you feel good, it is who you have it with that makes all the difference. A good meal would taste good if you're alone but a good meal would turn out GREAT if its with someone important.

Randomness

Been more than a week since i last wrote a blog.
So many things had happened over the last week.
Some are confusing, some are drastically affecting my very life.

As days and hours pass through, the colors in life are slowly but surely returning to the darkened life of mine.

I am just wondering how long would these joy stay around for? or is it just a brink of joy for me just before i am about to trully die?

I am rather lost in words or thoughts as i still don't know why am i doing this or why am i not doing that and finally, is this really happening to me? i still don't quite understand how all these are working in relation to me.

I really need some guidance in life. I know i want it and i know i really really want it. Even if it would take the rest of my life waiting for it.

GRADUATION

weee~!
finally, i am able to fill up that form for graduation. Finally, able to pick a place for my convocation.

After all the hardwork, i can safely attempt to finish the last 4 subjects of my university life and graduate.

Was so sad when i got the news that i couldn't graduate in november and was forced to take another subject in year 2008. That would be like another 6 months of my life! Thank god, everything has resolved itself and an opportunity has arise for me and i've taken it.

All i need to do now is to concentrate more on my studies and graduate. Can't wait till the end of the year where i can go on my long waited vacation.