Reality Check

I just found out i am such a useless pathetic person,
Immature,
Childish,
Unable to provide security,
not trustworthy,
cannot be trusted,
do not deserve decent respect,
I betray the very friendship that keeps my circle of "friends" around me.

I've just suffer a lost so tremendous that i am being pulled into the dark,
a place so dark that it has no light at all,
Eternal darkness where i would live my life aimlessly,
not being able to ever see where am i going anymore,

Even if i know where i want to go,
I would never be able to arrive for that,
the soul that i used to have is no longer with me,
it has been taken away from me,
because it is believed that youth is what i still have,
therefore i can be left to wander in the dark,
searching for something that i would never find,

Knowing what and where,
Doesn't make anymore difference,
the very reason to why and how,
has seem to diminished,

Deciding what and how,
Has lost its purpose,
Losing sight of why and who,
is worse than losing your limbs,

Disappearing again,
Losing all senses,
Sight touch hear smell taste,
all removed from my life,

What life is there left for me
if i am deprived of all these,
When everything has lose its
lusters and colors,

As it progresses,
things would turn into monotonously,
boring and lifeless
and i would be a dead corpse living.